At some point in our lives, we all experience love. Whether that’s to a romantic partner, a family member, a pet, a band even a car. But all these loves are different.
Even romantic love is different throughout our lives.
When I was 6, I loved Shane from Boyzone. I was convinced we would marry one day and that was that. Why me? Because everyone I knew who loved Boyzone (4 of my friends) all loved Ronan and Stephen. So of course he would pick me, plus I knew all their songs. That’s what it was about, right? Bless..
I then got into dating.
My “first love” (as i thought) was my first boyfriend. As far as first relationships go – it was 2 years. Pretty lengthy and far too smothering. But that’s the point of first relationships isn’t it. Especially at a young age. It’s to get that cringe-worthy stuff out the way. It was to make mistakes and learn from them. I must have had a some happy times. But we argued a lot, broke up even more, then kept getting back together. It was a joined at the hip – all the time love where neither of you really have a life or a personality. It’s just each other. I don’t think we fully trusted one another. We certainly didn’t socialize much outside either of our houses. We got to the point where we out grew each other. In truth, It wasn’t love. Not in the real way at least. It was just because he was my first real relationship.
Then there’s the fixing “love” – the type where you think you’re in love. But once you’re out of the relationship you quickly realise that it wasn’t love, it was more that you cared a great deal, but not for the person. It was more the idea of being able to take away their pain and fix it. I’m talking about a toxic relationship I had. One that I knew wasn’t going to go far, nor was it good for me, yet I couldn’t escape it. But i’m a kind person, I like to make people happy and I like to fix things. It was wasted on that relationship, that person and I left it a fraction of the person who I used to be. It was a narcissistic relationship and one who I would hope no one else has to go through. It wasn’t a good relationship. It was one I was jumping through hoops, changing who I was, being on beck and call for the simple reason I wanted to feel love from the person. But there was none on offer. I am however, glad I went through this, because it has opened my eyes to..
True, long lasting love. The type which I was told previously “didn’t exist” and that “happily ever afters” didn’t exist either. They do by the way.
I thought true love was about not being able to live without each other and it being all rose tinted windows everyday.. In some aspects that is true. But it shouldn’t cross your mind. Because (for me) true love is about finding someone that compliments you and your life, but isn’t you’re whole life. Don’t get me wrong, Daniel is my world and I don’t ever want to lose him. But it’s so much more than that. It’s about having someone who supports you and your dreams. It’s about having full trust. It’s about communication, with everything – from light chats about tv and films, to deep conversations about fears and things that bug you about the other person. It’s knowing that your opinion is valued. It’s about helping each other grow, having your own interest and hobbies. It’s about being excited about the future together (something I could never be before). It’s the non glamorous side of it, doing each others washing, taking care of each other when they are sick, the doctors trips, the times when the depression pops up.
Every time I have a migraine or a cold, I always say “I’m so sorry I look so bad” to which Daniel always replies “you had a fit on the toilet and I had to hold you still, and I still love you”. True story – I felt faint one day, so I sat on the toilet. I then fainted and hit my head on the wall (which Daniel heard and rushed in) I then had a fit because of that and he held me until I came around.
I know everyone’s interpretation to love is different. But to me, the evenings of making dinner, a Saturday food shop and a day cleaning our house – is just as exciting as a holiday together, talking about our future or celebrating our anniversary. Every day I continue to find something else I love about him. I don’t just love him, I’m in love with him. And to me, that is the difference and I think that comes with age and maturity. This is the only one that counts and feels natural to me.
Just because all these moments mention love, doesn’t mean it was love. Wrong people, wrong time of my life (until now). I have grown and so has the understanding of love.
I am no expert on this topic. This is all my personal experience